I have been debating whether or not to write anything on the subject of our recent miscarriage. First I didn’t quite know what I wanted or felt like writing, two I didn’t know if it was something I even wanted to share about at all. I have always been a person that processes her feelings through written words - more than anything it helps me label how I am feeling and helps me feel BETTER about it. So I opened up a new blog post and just started writing.
I have come to the conclusion after all of this.. that the individuals I have confided in with our sad news, have been so wonderful and loving… and as a result I have learned of SO. MANY. other women and families who have experienced a heartbreaking loss too. New bonds have been formed and some old relationships have strengthened as if we are all saying: we are not alone - I have been there and I won’t let you feel alone in these moments. It’s because of the love and support that has been poured over me from the few I have shared with, that has helped me move through a very rough couple of weeks.
An ultrasound scan at 10 weeks revealed to us no heartbeat. Even though something had felt off the entire pregnancy - something that just didn’t feel right…there are really no words that can describe the heartbreak when you hear those words. I have had my time to mourn over these past few weeks, but even typing these words brings tears to my eyes.
Brandon and I cried together, we talked for hours late that night, and slowly our moods shifted to positivity and hope. And since then I have had my moments, and my hours and my days… but for the most part I look at my sweet baby Jett and our healthy, thriving, happy family and am just so grateful for all that is right now. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel daily to have the support and love from my boys. It’s what gets me up in the morning and drives me all day long. Brandon, Jett, Mochi - you too: I love you guys, thank you for your contagious happiness that breathes light into my days.
If you’re reading this and experienced a miscarriage, or a painful loss, I just want to be here for you too. There are no words that can be said to heal, just words of love and hope. <3